3 weeks ago on May 07, 2012 at 10:58pm
There are a lot of feelings about turning 23.
About how it feels so much different than turning 22.
About how this past year has gone by so fast.
About how I haven’t done things that I wanted to do by the time that I was 23.
But.
This is what I looked like on the day I turned 23.
I was happy and fulfilled. I spent the day with the man that loves me back. We spent the day grocery shopping at Jungle Jim’s, buying nothing that we needed, which may not seem like much to you, but is filed under our favorite things.
We ate dinner at a restaurant we’ve had our eye on for a while, and enjoyed each other’s company.
Then we came home and cuddled in bed with our dog. The perfect ending to any day, despite the dog hairs in my mouth.
And now.
The trips I didn’t take aren’t as important today as they were yesterday.
In my trashcan, you will find a wadded up list of life goals with matching deadlines. Life is too short for that shit.
4 weeks ago on May 04, 2012 at 10:51am
It was a long day today.
Nothing in particular made it that way, but when your day is filled with the stories that I hear, it will make any day feel long.
Tonight, I was tucking one of the girls into bed, as it has become our little nightly ritual, and I said sleep tight, and that I loved her.
Which crosses SO many boundaries, it’s not even funny.
But what is really not funny is that I meant it. Fully.
I love these girls fiercely.
Even on the days when I want to leave this job, I love them.
This job can be so frustrating, but it is the single most rewarding and redeeming thing that I have ever done.
I wrote to a dear friend about the rare feeling of awareness and contentment in a single moment, and it is not that different from how I feel about this job. I know that this is what I am meant to be doing.
This day was long. Tomorrow will be too. But I am so excited to go to work.
Background: I work as a direct care specialist in a residential treatment facility for teenage girls with behavior problems. Most of them have been placed there by the courts because their families can’t provide for them in the ways that they need.
3 months ago on February 16, 2012 at 12:32am
I love this man.
There are other words and other feelings, but life is too complex to make this equally as so.
Just love.
3 months ago on February 06, 2012 at 12:56pm
Luck.
It feels like I’m faking it. All this adult stuff.
Paying bills, going to work everyday, buying groceries, and raising this puppy. Having this grown person relationship with this man that I love.
It feels like it is all happening by accident. It feels like I am waiting for it to fall out from under me. It feels detached and a little like someone else’s life.
But.
The bills are paid. The refrigerator is full. Lola is fed and walked every day. I am going to work everyday, to a job that I like, and at which I do a pretty damn good job, if I do say so myself. This man and I are growing together, and loving each other, and it is working.
It’s not an accident that I ended up here. I made all this for myself. I chased down this job. I poured over lists of apartments and hunted down the dream apartment. I made this happen. I buy that pup’s food, and take her for walks, and pay for her (sometimes very expensive surgerys and) doctor’s visits. I choose this love on a daily basis. I pick my words. I kiss his face with intention and purpose.
I want this to feel like less of an accident. I want to feel like I made this, like I am responsible for myself, like I can make my own happiness ( and have ).
4 months ago on January 31, 2012 at 01:03pm
I hadn’t shown my face around these parts in a while.
My life has taken some lovely turns lately. And it feels so wonderful.
Despite the fact that I had to work tonight, and that I have to work tomorrow as well, I am enjoying this job very much. I cannot tell you how it feels to lay your head down at night and know that you did something good today. Real, tangible good. There is no philosophy involved here, no politics. Just a person doing good for other people.
I like that about my life.
5 months ago on December 25, 2011 at 03:46am
Jobland.
I officially accepted a position yesterday morning.
I start on Monday.
I will be working 2nd shift (1-9pm, 3-11pm).
The company is in the social service arena, and provides residential rehabilitation services to young girls ages 11-18. I’ll be working directly with the girls in a supervisor type capacity. Think paper work/craft coordinator.
I’m really, really excited. It is the perfect first job in this field. And a perfect way to see if this is the kind of place where I could make my career.
The job is in Northern Kentucky, so I will be moving from my parent’s home in Louisville, KY to a currently unknown apartment/house near Cincinnati, OH.
Mister’s aunt lives up that way and has kindly offered me a bed until we can find a place.
The mister will be moving with me, but perhaps not for another month or two, until he finishes out his current job.
There are many reasons that we are choosing to move to the Cincinnati area, but I think that all deserves its own post.
_________________________________________________
I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your kind words of support and encouragement these past two (okay, three) months. I can’t tell you the difference it made to know that I am not the only one going through a rough patch.
So… THANK YOU!
6 months ago on November 22, 2011 at 05:02pm
Monday.
Obsessing over: This song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApwS4L8exYo, and mountain music in general.
Working on: Helping mister’s mama with Thanksgiving prep. She has around 50 people to her house for Thanksgiving. Can you fucking imagine?
Thinking about: How dirty my dirty pup is. But it’s raining and muddy, so is a bath even worth it at this point?
Anticipating: Starting my job next Monday.
Listening to: Mister playing his banjo. I won’t ever forget how this makes me feel.
Drinking: Coffee with Skinny Caramel Macchiato creamer
Wishing: That I could both start this new job, and also continue to be unemployed. Because, really, it’s been kind of like a permanent vacation.
(Borrowed from:mybronson)
6 months ago on November 21, 2011 at 11:40am
also, I got a job.
6 months ago on November 18, 2011 at 11:21pm
GPOYW
I’ve known for a long time that my mood is dependent on the weather.
On this cloudy, rainy day, the dark is taking root in my spirit.
But the reason there is room for it at all has nothing to do with rain clouds.
via
antistatic
6 months ago on November 09, 2011 at 01:28pm
I miss the summer time.
When I was still employed. and living with my mister’s family. and didn’t have to care if my hair was brushed.
via
antistatic
7 months ago on October 29, 2011 at 03:26pm
Growing up is weird.
Unemployment is weird.
Being unemployed while you are trying to be a grown-up is weird, but also really kind of impossible.
I know exactly what I want my life to look like in a year. I just don’t know how to get there from here. The obstacle is finding a job that I love in a field that my heart can make a home in.
I want a home to call my own. Though I am grateful, I am so tired of relying on the infinite kindness of my parents and my mister’s parents. I am tired of having to sacrifice the things I most enjoy, like good, healthy food, and thrift store adventures with my mister.
I want a plan, I want a job, I want to stand on my own two feet and a place to lay my head.
via
antistatic
7 months ago on October 24, 2011 at 06:03pm
